Wednesday, May 19, 2010

WIP Wednesday...Tenses

Okay, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm horrible with tenses. I tend to slip between past and uhm...that "had gone, had been, would, could" stuff. Sheesh, see how awful I am? I think that's past and future? Okay, so this is obviously not my area of expertise. Which leads me to today's WIP. This is a brand new one that I just started. If you were a part of retro week you'll remember the pictures that led me to this. So, my intention is to have you critique this passage. What would you do?

My whole body tingled in with anticipation. Bethany and I had been on the road for twelve hours and she did nothing but tell me about our ‘awesome house’ and ‘wicked jobs.’ So when she turned onto a dirt road and called it our driveway; I could feel every molecule in my head swim.
            Beautiful, lush trees lined either side of the driveway giving the impression we were in a dense jungle. Bethany giggled and rolled down the windows.
            “Do you smell that, Dalia? It’s honeysuckle and we have a ga-zillion honeysuckle bushes in our front yard.”
            Her excitement was catching. I laughed at her and rolled down my window. I took a long whiff and realized it did indeed smell incredible. I closed my eyes and breathed it in. It was better than any perfume I’d ever sniffed.
            When the car stopped, I opened my eyes and stared at the house in front of me. It was obviously old with chipping chipped gray paint over some questionable wood. The size of it though, the size was massive. I wondered how many bedrooms hid within the sagging walls. Then I looked to the left and stifled a scream.
            “You want me to live here? How convenient that you leave out such an important detail. A cemetery, Bethany?” I held back the urge to cry and punch my best friend in her face.


  1. I have trouble with this too. I just got a critique back that said I switched tenses --which I see that I did--but I have to really comb my WiP for them. I have dubbed tenses my enemy. :)

  2. Tenses are the bane of my writer existence!

    "Could feel" you should make it "felt"

    Her excitement "was catching" -I'd say "caught my attention"

    I battle with this everyday!

  3. I really enjoy your writing Kristy and the places your mind takes us.


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