Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Doubt, Fear, And a Little Fiction

Today is supposed to be my day to share a little excerpt, un-edited and un-revised, from my nano project with you. It's sort of my day not to think about anything mind blowing and just share with other writers, the way I used to do, before my writer's innocence was crumpled. Hmm, writer's innocence....this may become tomorrow's post. I digress...

First though, I have had two very important things smack me in the forehead today and I'm not sure I want to talk about them. Oh-there's Fear-just entering my blog without even asking. Fear has lurked all around me through my writing journey. Sincerely, since day one, Fear made this ominous appearance and I haven't been able to keep him away. I have noticed, when I embrace Fear and show him a little compassion, he disappears again. However, it is not always easy to embrace such an ugly little man. Yes, Fear-I'm talking about you.

My fears have helped me grow, but they also hinder me in so many ways. I honestly do not fear that anyone will steal my little excerpts. They aren't complete in idea or premise-if someone steals it, karma will visit. However, I do fear negative feedback. But-I tell myself-that is what I grow from. Although my heart soars with positive feedback-negative feedback kind of makes us pick up that pen and shoot 'em down!

Doubt: I didn't realize how much Doubt had become an integral part of me. She wraps herself around my heart and soul, she whispers her sweet nothings to my muse, which causes her to run and hide, shaking with self doubt. This nano project has been the very furthest I've ever gotten on a novel-I've written short stories, picture books and 'novellas'-so this is long for me. It is also the first project where I haven't had someone reading it continually, pushing me with praise or correcting mistakes, or asking questions that I hadn't thought of. It's freeing that I've written daily, a lot, and keep moving forward. But, I find myself face to face with Doubt at the end of each chapter....sometimes she creeps up at the end of every darn paragraph.

So-readers...How do you handle Doubt and Fear? Am I completely insane? Well, maybe I don't want you to answer the second question......

Despite Doubt and Fear shaking their heads furiously, here it is.....


Moira took a deep breath and tried to ignore her knees’ desire to knock together. “No, sir. I left them upstairs watching Fantasia. I thought there might be a problem down here.” Moira gestured to the woman. “Especially when Helga was missing from her post.”

The lady made a noisy sound of disapproval.”My name is Cynthia.”

Moira crinkled her nose. “Whatever, Cynthia then.”

Brayden pushed her by the small of her back and leaned down to her ear. She could smell antiseptic on his hands and a chill ran through her. She hoped it wasn’t transparent.
“You need to be nice. Remember you are in a professional environment, okay?”

“I’m only sixteen, remember?” Moira said through gritted teeth.

“Why so difficult tonight? Did you and Marcus have…”

Moira punched him right in the gut. “How dare you. I’m not here for boyfriends.”

They had reached the top of the stairs, Cynthia a.k.a Helga was at her post slamming books around the desk. Brayden put his hand on Moira’s arm.

“Wait, I didn’t mean it that way. I’m really sorry. Maybe I’m a little jealous.” He flashed his most devious smile.

Moira didn’t find it cute anymore. She pushed open the door to the kitchen and prayed she knew what she was doing. If her mother and father were here, they would tell her both sides and support her decision. That’s how a team works; another piece of her father’s advice.

She was a little disappointed to see the three of her peers sitting on the couch in front of the television. Part of her had hoped they escaped and then she would have a head start to think of how to fix whatever problem she seemed to intuit was there.

Brayden came around the corner and pulled out a glowing rock, switching the tv off with the remote. “Hey guys. I’m Moira’s brother.”

Three heads turned to the voice dutifully, their eyes almost glowing with purple rings. Moira tried to smile, but didn’t worry when she couldn’t. They were robots at this point. She couldn’t do anything about it. She had administered the drug.

“I would wave…but…I’m really…wow…so tired…but…” Shannon’s eyes rolled back as if trying to read an answer on the inside of her lids.

Lizzie giggled as she wiped some drool from her chin. “Not tired.”

Darby smiled widely and didn’t say a word.

Brayden looked to Moira with a thumbs up. She felt like throwing up, he had never given her a thumbs up sign. Instead, she grinned and clapped her hands together. “Let’s go to the basement and get drunk. My brother has his own still.”

All three stood up like zombies coming from a grave. Brayden took over the commands as he rounded the addicts up and led them to the stairs. “Careful, careful now.”

He looked back to Moira who followed at his heels. “Good work, Agent Ward.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Brayden glanced at his captives and then back to Moira. “What have I told you about calling me sir?”

Moira lifted her shoulders and smiled. He brushed her cheek and turned to descend the last few steps. Moira waved to Cynthia who growled in response. Then she watched Brayden herd her friends into the medical tunnel.

Nano word count: 29,281


  1. Fear and doubt are killers. Nice snippet. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Fear and doubt are my constant companions. But you just gotta distract them or shove them in the closet. Keep going, keep writing, keep editing (once you're done writing). My first complete novel was also a NaNo novel and I learned a lot about myself, my process, and that I could do it. So, you can do it Kristi!!!

  3. Heeeeeere kitty, kitty, kitty. Then, when they get close enough... SLAM THE DOOR SHUT!

    That'll learn 'em, durn 'em. ~ Yaya
    Yaya's Home


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