Friday, April 9, 2010

My Entry

Wow, the response you guys is great! I'm so glad we did this. Anyone up for doing it again each month? Perhaps a theme? Drop me a comment!


Moira didn’t want to get back to the party. The taste of marijuana still lingered in her mouth and her tongue felt swollen without moisture. She knew Carla and Braden would recognize her incapacity.
            She took her time, looking up at the countless stars in the sky. Even though she would never tell anyone else, she imagined her parents were among the stars. Not really in heaven, but in space…floating through the galaxy the way she used to dream of as a child.

This is the beginning of Chapter Seven 

8 comments:

  1. This is really a beautiful piece of writing. Even though there isn't high action, there is great character, and a sense of suspense and possible high consequence, which will always pull a reader forward.

    The writing is gorgeous.

    This is exactly the kind of book I'd pick up, or the page I'd turn.

    I love it. :)

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  2. I liked her staring up at the stars and imagining her parents as part of the galaxy. I like this snippet.

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  3. I totally, totally, totally love this!!

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  4. Wow, what a terrific character voice you've got going. The writing is awesome.

    The last sentence of the 1st paragraph stalled my flow. However, I was picturing YA or MG in my head and I think it was the word incapacity that didn't seem to fit her voice.

    I'd keep reading this one for sure :)

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  5. Not really in heaven, but in space…floating through the galaxy the way she used to dream of as a child.

    That's a beautiful line.

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  6. I love it! So much character in so few words. :-)


    And yes, I think it would be a fun monthly theme. Count me in.

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  7. Excellent voice and character building. I can see her and feel her dry tongue. I'm in the moment with her. The pace is good, slow but working forward to the next scene.

    I have to admit the word "incapacity" made me stumble in the mood. But only after reading the second paragraph. The two are incongruent. The first sets up an emotional conflict; using the drug, being out alone and perhaps something bad has happened, people worrying where she is. She has a secret she wants to keep for whatever reason. That draws me in to find out exactly what she is up to, or what has happened to her.

    But she takes a time out from this intrigue to admire the stars and contemplate the after life.

    Both are well written, and say volumes about the character. Since this is chapter 7, I'm guessing we already know what has happened to her. I'm thinking the end of chapter 6 was all about the action, and the beginning here is her reaction to that scene.

    So I would need a better transition into the star gazing so it does not distract from her emotional state from the previous chapter.

    Yes, this is definitely my kind of read.

    It might be fun to do a couple more of these. But after a while, we will recognize everyone's characters, and know who wrote what. But yeah, I could see me doing this again.

    ........dhole

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