I am too grown up. Somewhere along my path of life, I completely left the child behind. She reaches out to me sometimes, and every once in a while I can smile at her. Mostly, I forget about her. Sometimes, I mourn her loss, because I can't seem to find her when I need her most.
I am guilty of "Do what I say, not what I do." I realized this, when I told my daughter that she doesn't get to eat whatever she wants when she grows up and then I ate a large bowl of ice cream at midnight.
I cry too much. If I'm too happy, sad, stressed, PMS, angry (which is really not good when trying to voice your anger to someone through tears.)
I'm terribly insecure. About almost everything. No, about everything.
I'm an incredible actress.
I'm a lot like Alice in Wonderland.... "I give myself very good advice, though I very rarely follow it."
I miss California. I miss California. I miss California. I know I'm supposed to make the best of where I am with what I have, blah blah blah blah. Shut up. I miss California.
I love to make people smile and laugh. I write not a bit of humor.
I learned patience from my kids.....writing has unlearned it. Yes, total demolition of grammar, I did it on purpose.
I'm afraid to admit when I am unhappy. How silly is that?
Somber post today, I know. Perhaps it's a side effect of nano. I've been writing daily, steadily for two months now. I practiced in October, you know. And I had no clue how draining it would be on my poor little brain. I am not smarter than a 5th grader.
What confessions weigh on your mind? What do you do when you feel drained from something that normally gives you such joy? Am I wrong about my passion?
We have things in common...
ReplyDeleteI always cry when I am angry, and I feel foolish because of it. Like no one can take me seriously.
I never admit when I am unhappy because that might mean making someone else unhappy...and that's unbearable.
Even though these things suck, it's comforting to know there is someone out there like me. :)
Thanks for sharing with me, Julie. You are right, it's comforting to know we aren't the only ones!!!
ReplyDeleteHave a great weekend!
I am so guilty of the "Do as I say and not as I do." I tell my kids a lot of things then find myself doing those very things. And I feel horrible when I do that. I'll cry at the drop of a hat, too. I hate myself when I do that because it makes me feel so weak.
ReplyDeleteSo take heart, Kristi. You're not alone:)
I'm terribly moody. For most of my life I prided myself on being emotionally stable and rock steady. I rarely cried, rarely freaked out, never PMSed.
ReplyDeleteNow I think I'm borderline manic depressive. I can swing the moods on the drop of a dime.I am rarely somewhere in between. It bugs the heck out of me and I hate it.
It is difficult to overcome the moodiness, that's for sure. It doesn't help, either, to be stuck in a situation over which you truly have no control.
ReplyDeleteA couple of days ago, I told my good hubby-buddy that I cannot just sit and write and do nothing else. (I never, ever thought I would say such a thing). I told him that I need rewards at different levels of accomplishment. Tonight, we danced. We had a very good reason, one that I blogged about tonight. But the most important thing was that... We Danced. It did wonders to lift me out of the doldrums. ~ Yaya
Yaya's Changing World
Hi Kristi,
ReplyDeleteI just came back to re-read this post and I noticed something that was actually quite obvious. How did I miss it, before? You said that you don't write 'Funny,' but Kristi, you do.
You have a natural flair for bringing out the funny side of even the saddest situation. You have several comments in this post, alone, that made both my good hubby-buddy and I chuckle.
Here's the thing I don't think most of us realize. Being depressed and feeling down in the dumps is actually the cursed-blessing of the creative person, I believe. If you didn't feel so COMPLETELY in the doldrums, you wouldn't be so amazingly able to express it in your writing.
So, although it is painful, embrace the deep emotions you are blessed to have. Some people never know the joy of returning from the depths of despair. Think about it; isn't it one of the most amazing transformations when you suddenly realize that you are NOT depressed any longer? Believe me, it really IS a BLESSING that we can feel such extemes in our emotions.
Now, go out there and enjoy your blessings of sadness! That's what I do.
~ Yaya Yaya's Changing World
Oh Joany, my lovely friend...look everyone at how wise this woman is!!! :-) I love you so much, and never laid eyes on ya. {{{HUGS}}} to you and to ALL of you that gave me a little 'misery company' and lifted me up! That's what I love about this crowd.
ReplyDeleteKristi,
ReplyDeleteAin't it awesome how we have the whole world to meet and love? I feel the same way about you. You are so special to me.
One thing, though. I shall have to show my good hubby-buddy your last comment because he ain't never gonna' b'lieve that anyone said I was wise. haha. He's gonna' love it. Thank you. Love ya', girl. ~ Yaya
Yaya's Changing World