WIP Wednesday

Edward felt a knot in his chest as he gunned the Camaro around the corner to the little office where his paycheck was being held. The initial anxiety was always his favorite part of the chase. He didn't know what to expect from his prey, yet. He wondered if Cassandra would agree to dinner with him. The knot in his chest grew tighter and he almost couldn't breathe. The old engine protested as he shifted into neutral and turned the key off.

He forced himself to take a deep breath when the cool air from the office hit him in the face. Cassandra sat in her usual position behind the desk that couldn't hide her overpowering build.

...........

So, it's a short one this week. I've not done a lot of writing and I'm hoping to pull out of the 'slump' soon. I know it's mostly a matter of self-discipline, but I'd rather say that it's because I'm busy. Although we all know that isn't an excuse. *sigh*

So, how is everyone doing? Are you sitting down to write every day like a good little writer? Do you have some discipline to hand down to me?

Wednesday WIP

This is a feature I planned to post on my other blog-but I'm shutting that one down so I can make sure I'm not blogging more than I'm writing and working and you know....other life stuff. :0) Wednesday WIP is where I'll show you before and after drafts of a paragraph or even a page. Who knows?

Sweat gathered at Moira's temples as she kicked high and connected with her opponent's ribs. He grunted and moved towards her. She took two steps back, panting. His foot pounded her hip and she cried out but stayed on her feet. He avoided her right hook and left uppercut, but she felt a satisfying thud when her glove landed on his temple. He stumbled to the side and she stepped in for the final hit. He blocked her again and she danced to the right. She dodged with her right leg lifted intending to kick his ribs and keep him down on the ground.

Okay...the writing isn't horrible, but it's not stellar. I also had a lot of people that found it uncomfortable to be thrown into the scene like this. I had a couple of folks reading it and stopped to ask me three or four questions before continuing and even suggesting that I suggest more backstory. So, here is what I tried

Moira trained at this warehouse for the last six months with Braden Spillman and this morning held no promise for anything different. The only sounds filling the vast metal building were those of punishment and pain. She panted as she blocked a kick from Braden. Her lungs screamed for more air, but she threw a right hook and felt the satisfying thud of connection. Six months ago, she wouldn't have been able to stand up and fight anyone; let alone some man that stood a foot taller than she. 


He grunted and moved back three steps. Her calves burned from dancing on her toes. Braden was pushing her hard today. She rushed in for a high kick. In one swift move he had her by the leg and left arm and she landed on her back.


Now, this is one of those passages that ended up re-written instead of only edited a bit here and there. What do you think? How do you feel when you re-write a scene? Do you miss the old one?

Mid-Week Break (Wed. Excerpt Post)

For the month of November at least, I thought I would post an excerpt from my nano novel each Wednesday. My purpose in this is to obviously see if anyone is interested..but also to give your overstuffed brains something else to read, not instructions or tips or verb usage. And it's so completely imperfect, you'll realize we all have some editing to do-when this month is over! So, settle in and take a break.

Moira’s day seemed to drag even more after lunch and the unpleasant phone call from her boss. She was finding it harder and harder to be mild mannered Moira when three-thirty rolled around. The final bell rang and doors into the hallway burst open, pouring students in every direction.



Moira found herself pushed through the doorway of her final class, Modern History, amidst a sea of bodies. She cursed her lack of height for the millionth time. Finally, after almost losing her duffel bag and a shoe, she burst.


“Get the hell out of my way!”


Startled pairs of eyes looked down at her. Suddenly she was being swept up by powerful arms and carried to her locker. She looked behind her to see Grant smirking as her legs dangled in the air.


“Has anyone ever mentioned your subtlety?”


Moira felt embarrassed, like her mother had just scolded her in front of the neighborhood kids. “Uhm, no, but they’ve mentioned my height.”


Grant laughed easily. “Yes, you might be easily overlooked, which works to my favor, anyway.”


Moira’s heart jumped. She admonished the feeling of butterflies. “Your favor? Dare I ask?”


“If no one else notices you, I can keep you all to myself.” He leaned down to speak softly in her ear.


Moira ducked her head. “I hardly know you, and I’m supposed to let you keep me? I’m flattered, I guess, but I already have plans.”


Grant made a face. “At Darb’s house? Those are hardly plans, but I’ll escort you, if you insist.”


Moira ran through the possibilities in mind. If Grant ended up coming to this so called party, would he ruin her chances of bringing the other three in, or add to her list? It was a sticky situation, either way. She slammed her locker door.


“I did not insist. I am actually a big girl and I can go to a party all by myself.”


He frowned at her again. “Really? Where was this side of you this morning? I didn’t think you would be so feisty.”


“Looks can be deceiving.” When he raised his brows, Moira knew she pushed the line a bit too far. “I am sorry. It’s hard to be the new kid in town, ya know?”


He smiled, to Moira’s relief. “No, I grew up in this dinky place, but I’ll take your word for it. Anyway, I don’t have to escort you; I’m always invited to Darb’s place.” With that he sauntered down the hall and pushed open the heavy double doors leading to the outside parking lot.