Wednesday, May 12, 2010

WIP Wednesday

In honor of my retro week, I'm going to post an old story that I wrote and never went back to fix. As always, comments and suggestions are welcome.

      Jeffrey sat by his window, watching(and watched) his friends play baseball in the rain. He could see (saw)Joseph's upturned face, mouth wide open and tongue hanging out. Terrence and Junior gestured wildly with their arms. Every face wore happy grins.
     The rain poured relief to the residents of Peachtree, after unusually high temperatures. Jeffrey wiped at the sweat trickling down the side of his face. The back of his neck felt like fire and his thighs stuck to his chair.
     Jeffrey sighed, blowing (huffed/blew)dark bangs away from his eyes. He wished his mom would let him live like a normal kid. (play in the rain with the other kids)What would rain do to my ears? I’m already deaf.
     Jeffrey stood up and opened the window; the musty odor of dry dirt mixed with the sweet smell of rain assaulted his senses. He inhaled deeply. He longed to feel the splash of raindrops on his overheated skin. He wished he could run bases with the other guys, in the mud. He wondered what they would sound (sounded)like, hollering and laughing together.
      How do I get out of here? Jeffrey creaked opened (open)his bedroom door and peered around the corner. He didn't see his mom anywhere. The usual smells of dish soap and cookies in the oven didn’t reach his sensitive nose. Jeffrey tip toed down the hall and looked in his mom's room. Bingo! She slumped in her reading chair, fast asleep. Jeffrey couldn't believe his luck. He shut the front door gently and ran to the park next to his house.

Going back to this story was a lot of fun. It's mid grade and something I attempted in order to write from a male perspective. So, what about you? Do you have any short stories, or even novels, lying around that you haven't visited in a while? 


  1. I have so much old stuff laying around that it isn't funny. Mostly beginnings of a novels, but a few pathetic short stories I attempted before I realized I can not write short for the most part (occasionally I get an idea that works short). I do plan on revisiting most of them. My YA I'm working on was originally brainstormed too many years ago to count and has gone through many beginnings before it's newer version. I have two others that are mostly done, but need a major rewrite or edit depending on your POV. The others I'll check out when I have the time as they are either first three chapter, or middle chapters, or the end. Whatever struck my interest at the time.

  2. Yeah. A million of them. I need to get a bigger hard drive. Are you picking this back up?


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