Here we go cool kids!! These all had me cracking up as I typed along, filling in your answers.
Dear Starry-eyed Agent,
I am submitting to you a Western novel for your representation. The main character, Penelope, works as an ice cream truck driver for a heartless boss. He reverberates her and she must start a new life as a wildly dancing stripper.
My novel, The Bone Chilling Stripper(now that's a title!) is complete at nineteen pages. It is also far better than One Scoop or Two, which you represent as well.
I'm willing to work with a 999 figure advance(me too!). My mom has already told all her friends, so marketing is not a problem.
**These are for fun only and are not picking on anyone in real life. These are also fictional. I'm totally spewing coffee out of my nose just typing this.**