Thursday, July 8, 2010

WIP Wednesday...err Thursday

Like everything this summer it seems that I'm falling a day behind!! I don't know what happens. Well, yes I do...but I probably won't admit it to you cool kids. Today's excerpt is from my current WIP which remains untitled. I do, however, have a white board full of brainstorm ideas for the title. Happy Reading!

“Do not move,(.)” Aidan eyed me.
            My whole body stiffened, but I wanted to jump in the creek. I looked from side to side with my eyeballs My eyes searched from side to side, but couldn’t see any inherent danger. “What is your problem?” I asked through my teeth.
            “There’s a snake behind you. Luckily neither of you have seen each other, but if you move, he’ll feel it.”
            I closed my eyes and fought the urge to cry. I tried to imagine warm beaches with white sand and nothing resembling snakes. I couldn’t stop thinking about the snake and the tears were rising in my throat, choking me.
            “What do I do?” I managed to croak. (This is why I find it difficult to write in first person POV)
            “The first thing to do is open your eyes,” Landon’s soft drawl filled the air.
            I opened them slowly and saw Landon standing a couple of feet in front of me. I didn’t even hear him. He gave me a lopsided smile. “That’s better, ain’t it? You know which way is up.”
            I laughed in spite of myself. “Yeah.” My voice didn’t sound like it belonged to me.
            “Alright, no need to be nervous, just stretch yer arms out to me.”
            “Will he hear my arms move?”
            “He’s listenin’ to our conversation right now, darlin’.”
            I pressed my lips together evaluating my options. He tilted his head to the side with his hands stretched out to me.With his head cocked to the side, Landon reached for me. He wiggled his fingers. and I felt like I could trust him. I took a deep breath and hoped that whatever snake was near me the snake wasn’t a cobra. I lifted my arms and before I knew what was happening shook, but lifted my hands to him. He had me in his arms I was in Landon’s arms and halfway across the creek before I could hesitate.
            “I think you hurt my shoulder,” I shuddered.

So, this is my first "suspenseful" scene in my book. Despite the fact that suspense is what I love to read or watch, I really struggle with writing it out. Sometimes I'm too short and leave out crucial details. The hardest thing about action and suspense is the varying of sentences and their length or power. It is something I definitely have to make sure to cover in my editing and re-writes. 

How about you? Tell me about your WIP. 

1 comment:

  1. You see, I learned something just from you pointing out all the "I's". You really are a good teacher.

    My WIP would still be the story you helped me with months ago. It mostly sits dormant. That's why I could never be a writer.


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