tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19177238389402380.post5993936936037036402..comments2023-09-30T01:18:33.562-04:00Comments on R.A.W. **Random Acts of Writing**: 2 Paragraphs Entry ONEKristi Faithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527544253341529009noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19177238389402380.post-82218707284393566072010-04-09T19:12:24.499-04:002010-04-09T19:12:24.499-04:00In a short space you've given a great voice.
...In a short space you've given a great voice. <br /><br />The last sentence read awkward to me. I can't put my finger on why, however.Tarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09008153523366719973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19177238389402380.post-37012711860676424232010-04-09T14:58:31.508-04:002010-04-09T14:58:31.508-04:00You have a very distinctive voice, and a strong on...You have a very distinctive voice, and a strong one, which is such a huge part of the battle in writing well.<br /><br />My biggest trouble (which is probably a product of my tiny brain) is that there are a lot of names in a short space that I don't know and can't keep track of. I kept rereading to figure out who did what or thought what and how they were related. If all these characters are already introduced before this, though, that might not be a problem at all.<br /><br />Also, Crap is used three times in the course of 7 sentences. It seemed like a lot to me. Maybe replace the middle one with a synonym?<br /><br />But I like the idea here, too, and the way the characters are already being drawn in such a short time.Heidi Willishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18420802651029097379noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19177238389402380.post-77257217724290727292010-04-09T14:08:56.842-04:002010-04-09T14:08:56.842-04:00Great descriptive of the fat cabbie 'oozing...Great descriptive of the fat cabbie 'oozing' through the door. :0) I love it...totally set me up to want to keep reading and find out more about this character.Kristi Faithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17527544253341529009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19177238389402380.post-54665076441943264892010-04-09T12:32:42.428-04:002010-04-09T12:32:42.428-04:00I love the voice in this - it really rings true! ...I love the voice in this - it really rings true! :-)Shannon O'Donnellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17299313309059235876noreply@blogger.com